Before You Leave

by Secondary

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released July 21, 2013



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Secondary O'Fallon, Missouri

est. 2011

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Track Name: Before You Leave
The distance between us still grows. Do you pride yourself on achieving the lowest of lows? I’ve been fucked over before, but never like this. You’d give it all for the taste of his lips. (You're just so fucking shallow) There’s more to me than you think (I'm standing ankle deep) and I’m left to sink in what you called a “perfect” love-story. It was nothing more than what made me hate the words “We were meant to be” and now I never sleep. I’m picking pieces of my heart up while you walk out with him. You know I wish you wouldn’t leave me such a mess like this. Just this once, would you please stop abandoning? And give up on what was meant to be. There is no “meant to be.” And I’ve been trying to clear my head for some time now. But all I’ve been drawing up is when you said “Let’s stay like this.” Just this once, just this once would you please stop abandoning like this?
Track Name: 94
I'm sick of this shit, contemplating. As the clock goes by I think it's left me behind, and those dark brown eyes are looking right past mine. Have you already forgotten? Have you already forgotten me? I never thought these years could be so short. It's like I woke up from a coma, I can't stop thinking about who I was before. But I guess I was nothing more than just a stepping stone. Spent one second here then headed home. And I look like a mess while you shine among the rest. I've tried to show you some compassion, but I'm caring less and less. And I can't blame you for hating what you've come to know. I left my heart off 94 atleast three summers ago. All of this keeps hitting me like a stack of bricks, and if it snows again this year I won't hold back the reminiscent thoughts that I see falling over head. If what I said ever made sense then maybe I wouldn't feel so dead.
Track Name: Despondency
I never know what to do. The last time I tried to make things right I ended up with a "fuck you". And now everyone I used to know is failing me, they stitch the canvas for this despondency. You are the reason I write and I spend most of my nights, sulking and avoiding fucking facebook fights. So I'll stay out of the light, while you lose your sight. Struggle with yourself to try and do what's right. In a sense I feel sorry for your ignorance, but it's something that I can't change. So I'll wait for this to blow over and start a new page if I can relate to any of you anymore.
Track Name: Ferris Wheel
Just last week you had me over-thinking the future. "What if the world ends tomorrow?" I said I'd spend that whole day with you and I swear I felt the pressure in the room change. Can you just clue me in on your thinking? You're leaving again and your reasons lack sense you completely ignore my words when I'm only trying to make this work.
So give me excuses in detail, I'd love to know why this won't work. And if you're so unhappy, then just end this so we can move forward. This is something I'd expect from anyone else but I should have guessed it be you. You broke me open, you got in my head, you left me hoping it was something I said. I'm sick of hearing how this hurts more than it does me. Half-hearted apologies set you free from the guilt, but you'll never get in here again. Stop filling my head with your bullshit. Can you just clue me in on your thinking? This time I'll be the one that's leaving. Your words broke this foundation that's built under me and all our structures came crashing down underneath. Still finding new ways to break me. Your sense of compassion's an act I can tell by the way your eyes are laying. Don't tell me to smile when everything you say makes me grind these teeth away. I'll just sleep through the day. And everytime I see that driveway. The thought of us begins to haunt me.
Track Name: Won't Be Missed
A heavy heart, it pulls me down and I hit the ground with the emptiness you left me with. And I haven’t heard from you since the last time we met up to talk about last few months. You’ve been away, and now I miss you every day. But I’ve felt worse, and I can’t say that it’s worth it holding on like this. I think I’ll make my getaway. So take your rose and get me off this ship. I want no part in this, and with a twisted gut it makes me sick. Keep your clever lines to yourself and trust me, I know how I felt about this. This won’t be missed. And I know I’m just a bother to you now, well suck it up. The table’s turned, and situations change, and I feel alive. This is where I say what I want. This is where I do what I can. This is me. This is my life. I won’t ever need you. Of all the times you could’ve told me off you waited for the worst one. (Why did you wait so long? Why did you wait so long?) I tried my hardest to heal these wounds, but there’s a hole from where you walked right through me. And there’s nothing left. There’s nothing here at all. I lay next to your imprint every night I sleep and I dream about the weight you placed on my heart and on these sheets. And you won’t hear “Sorry” for those things I said, I meant it all. You’re lucky I fucking called.
Track Name: Right-Side Out
This head is filled with doubt. I've watched as people come to know me they always walk out. I've let this go on for too long. And my body is tired, my energy's gone. So if you're searching for something don't be surprised when all you find is an empty room and shadows of what it used to hold. I'm learning what it means to feel defeat from this broken town, the hatred here won't hold me down. With what I've seen I'm not sure that I can trust what's in store. At least the view is someone brighter than before. So what do I do now? With all the thoughts that come to mind when I spend hours of my time just recollecting or trying to decide if it's just me. Or if so many of you can really be so shallow. The surface is too far for me to follow. I've been thinking so much about how everything's been falling apart. I'll keep running with all I've got but my heart will stay right here. With the friends who stuck it out through all these years. I'll stay sincere like the feelings that I still hold. And like the smiles that I don't even own. I'm past the part of me that used to think I was alone. This head is filled with doubt.
Track Name: Take This With You
I’ve seen the best of you. We sang melodies of what we’ve been through. But all that’s gone and traded for the image that’s of best interest to your new friends. You’re tripping over what to say around them. You’ll end up alone, but no one here feels sorry for you. Of everyone I thought you’d stay. I thought we’d stay best friends ‘til death, and I thought this meant something but seven years has just turned to regret. And in the past few years, I’ve done nothing with myself but write these songs about how everything was better back then. The next time you need someone to talk to, I hope your phone’s dead. I hope you’re alone with what you said to me and the thoughts linger in your head. And if by some chance we come face to face, I’ll let you know that nothing that you say will ever make up for everything I’ve done for you. I should have seen this coming. I put my faith in you, but you let it all fall through, and this was all for nothing. I can't get used to this. And in the past few years, I’ve done nothing with myself but write these songs about how everything was better back then. And after everything we’ve been through? To think you’d just throw it all away. You threw it all away when you said that I meant nothing to you. Remember when we played our favorite songs? The past seems so far gone. Where did it all go wrong? I’ll never hear those songs again. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this
Track Name: Leave It All Behind
And I can't say that this was worth it. That this was worth holding onto you. I hope you benefit from this, you take it all and always hope for the best. You just hope for the best. And when you leave it all behind, I hope your future is brighter than mine. (I hope it shines forever). And I wish you the best of luck.
Track Name: Loose Ends
The city tied down beneath us. We were kings and you know I'm the kind of person who doesn't let his guard for anyone. But I guess people change I know I'm not the same as I was back then. I'll take those summer nights over anything. And I know that you moved on. Our promises are lost in time. I'm cursed with the countless mistakes I've made, and the constant belief that I'm always right. So I'll tear out my drawings and keep the ones you made in a box with the things that remind me of days in high school. And those nights that we spend just burning through albums. Back when we still had some common interest. My heart holds my head in contempt for provoking the end of a friendship. I never said goodbye. But I'll hold the last time in the corner of my mind. Before your rouse I had something to confide in. I let the decade die, and you became one sided. I can't say that you never were right. I'm not stubborn I'll keep you in mind. I hope that you keep in me in my mind. As if apologies ever meant anything to me. Don't say sorry before you leave. You left nothing here for me.
Track Name: Hindsight
I'm in this ten by ten foot room and I can barely breathe. I'm waiting on a call that you'll never make, I can't handle this hesitation. Buyt you'll call me tomorrow with a new excuse, something along the lines of "we'll do this soon" because you don't have the spine to admit that I'm not for you. Give me a second to think about the words that you just said. Their circling inside my head. With nothing but subtle thoughts of you and a migraine. And I'm trying to stay afloat in this lake of my own confusion. But the weight on my shins sinks as deep as the words that you use as you please. (You don't care what they mean). And all this time in diners has made me realize the time is never right. I should have never tried. You were the best part of my week I never told you what this meant to me, and all this time you never told me that you'd flake. I'm always dragging my feet in disbelieft. To many ways that things could go wrong. Too cautious, to careful, and fearful that the next thing I say might end it all. The only problem is I can find something wrong with anything. But tired eyes they miss my reflection. I'm waking up to a view from the bottom. I've lost my sense of direction. I can't tell the difference from my reflection. But dead leaves on the street bring me from this wishful thinking. I've let go of the thought that anything special exists there, that anything special exists anywhere. This is not a cry for attention. It's just the way I've always felt and I miss waking up in a different state away from all the plans that fell through all the shit that's rained down on us. And I'm just waiting out the storm. And I'm just waiting out the storm that is this weather breaking the cold air's sinking in my lungs. I'm hoping winter doesn't last so long. It's hard enough to see you moving on. And all these backyard fires always die before the sun comes up and it seems I always find a way to relate them to you. Burning out too early this plan we had is failing. This basement's been too quiet since September and your motives changed. You wanted us to keep this going but I guess the snow and leaves aren't the only thing that's falling.
Back to my rib cage.
Melting into my bed.
and uneasy breathing while you swim inside my head.